Sacrifices and Surprises.

It's often been said that the secret to life is compromise.  I must say, that it's certainly the secret to a good marriage.  Luckily for me, stubborn as I am, my husband is GREAT at compromising, and I love him more each time he does!

Likewise, I believe that the secret to good parenting is sacrifice.  In the beginning, we sacrifice sleep; glorious, peaceful, and worry-free sleep.  Later, we sacrifice all kinds of small, but very important, things, like our sense of good hygiene (let Mommy get that booger for you, or catch your vomit in my hands), some brain cells (one cannot speak in monosyllabic sentences for that long without suffering a vocabulary repression), some taste buds (look, those strained peas are really 'good'), some nerves (hence the reason our children are so often on our 'last one').  But perhaps the most important sacrifice we can make for our kids is our time.

There has been a lot of self-studying, and not-so-quiet reflection going on in our home, more specifically in my head.  I've realized recently that I'm often referring to these sacrifices that we make for our children, but that I wasn't really putting my money where my mouth is.  I wasn't willing to sacrifice the one thing that my child needed most, my time.  Specifically, the 8-12 years I would be spending in medical school and residency while my precious child is growing  up.  The more I thought I about it, the more if felt like I WAS sacrificing, but instead of sacrificing MYSELF, I was sacrificing my FAMILY for the sake of my professional aspirations.  It became clear to me that while I may get to be very successful at saving someone else's child, I could very easily fail at raising my own.  It occurred to me that my first priority has to be my child, and that it's time I step up to the plate like a "real Mom."

And then, a very surprising thing happened.  Once the seed of sacrifice was planted in my brain, even before I made any decisions, I began to notice real changes in my outlook, suddenly it didn't feel so much like I was sacrificing anything at all.  All of a sudden, I was, and am, finding joy in everyday tasks; in wiping runny noses, and kissing boo boo's, and even watching 'Nemo find his Daddy' for the 13th time this week.  I am finding the true, internal joy in this enigma that is Motherhood, and I find myself looking forward to tasks I once dreaded, even potty training, and learning to read!

So, once again, the path from here is unclear.  Whether I will go back to nursing, or try my hand at paramedics, or simply put medical school on hold until my kid(s) are graduated, and I'm the oldest student in class, I'm not sure.  What I am sure of is that right now, my home really DOES feel like the place I want most to be, and I find myself in the unusual position of NOT being at odds with myself.  I find myself joyful, and most importantly, and perhaps most surprisingly, I find myself at peace.